Sunday, August 31, 2008


Over the last couple of weeks the public has been treated to the sight of various worthies grinning to the cameras as they collect awards on behalf of their organisations, ranging from the BOI to the Chamber of Commerce.

Now, the hottest gossip in Colombo the latest to be bestowed with the honour is none other than the LTTE.

In the category of Currently-Operating-Terrorist-Group he is a clear winner, other contenders such as Karuna's TMVP not even in the running and therefore quite deserves it. In fact he insists on it. We are reliably told that he has made an offer to Superbrands that they simply could not refuse and they are packing off a team to Kilinochichi post-haste.

The best news is that unlike the organisations in the South that had to cough up a few millions for the privilege of being included amongst the Superbrands the LTTE will only pay the princely sum of one bottle of palmyrah toddy for identical service.

Hows that for marketing savvy?

"Its the sheer power of the brand itself that we have leveraged to get the discount", explained VP, the spokesman for the group "which proves that it really does have marketable value".

Sri Lanka's warm diplomatic relations with Sudan

I friend called me yesterday to inform me of the happy news he had heard on the SLBC that Sri Lanka enjoys warm relations with Sudan. This is a clever move by Sri Lanka's roving diplomats. Sudan is rich in oil and gas and perhaps they could be persuaded to supply Sri Lanka on credit. Iran has apparently not been paid for all its supplies upto now and since payment must presumably be made at some date, it is possible to roll things over by getting extra credit from another supplier.

I was searching for some news on this topic and came across what looks like a Sudanese news site. There is a lot of interesting stuff, some of which I will quote here.


The Sudanese authorities had staged a counter campaign to Amnesty International. Many government-owned organisations and trade unions had issued statements denouncing Amnesty International's report on Sudan. A statement by the government-appointed Sudanese Labour Union, said that "the report targets Sudan and its religious and traditional values which are based on the respect of human rights". Another statement by the Sudanese Businessmen Association condemned the report and added that "this Organisation and those behind her are trying to exert pressure on Sudan to abandon its Islamic orientation and its civilised project. These accusations against Sudan are baseless and not supported by any proof. All Sudanese people live in peace and harmony in all its cities, towns and villages....

Sri Lanka's friendship is proven in the following report:


The UN Human Rights Commission in Geneva, had on Wednesday 8 March 1995, expressed 'deep concern at continued serious human rights violations in Sudan'. The resolution condemning Sudan for abuses including torture, summary executions and slavery, was endorsed by a vote of 33 for, 7 against and 10 abstentions....

...Those who voted against are: China, Cuba, India, Indonesia, Pakistan, Sri Lanka and Sudan.

Sri Lanka also established diplomatic relations with Eritrea last year. The Asian Tribune wondered why

"n a report prepared by the U.S. Senate Foreign Relations Committee last December it was alleged that Eritrean government was providing direct assistance to Sri Lanka’s separatist Tamil Tiger rebels.

Eritrea has been singled out by the international community, the United Nations and other international rights organizations as blatant violator of human rights, keeping a large number of ‘prisoners of conscience’ in jails for prolonged periods, its intolerance to dissent, disregard for rule of law and giving military assistance to many insurgent/terrorist groups around the world."

As Alice remarked, curious and curiouser.

"When Sri Lanka is currently waging a global diplomatic defensive campaign to clear her name it is unimaginable as to what motivated her to establish diplomatic ties with Eritrea which has no elected democratic government for the past one an half decades, no rule of law and respect for human rights, accused of providing military assistance to insurgents and terrorists in other countries, no constitutional guarantees for the 3.5 million citizens and utter disregard for dissent and free speech with thousands of ‘prisoners of conscience’ languishing in jails."

Meanwhile Prime Minister Wickremanayake attacked the hypocrites

`Chemical weapons are weapons of terrorism. There are no peaceful uses for chemical weapons he said adding that when the British used gas to kill hundreds of Kurdish people in their wars in West Asia, early last century it was terrorism.

The arch imperialist Churchill justified it saying that `It is all right to kill niggers`. That was the white mans attitude, a lack of feeling for people of a different colour that accompanied the dropping of atomic bombs which massacred hundreds of thousands of Japanese civilians in Hiroshima and Nagasaki during the World War II and those were weapons of mass destruction and that was terrorism. That was by the Americans, who were later to accuse Iraq s Saddam Hussein of possessing weapons of mass destruction, despite the testimony of their own inspectors, that there were no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Wickremanayake explained.

Way to go PM, if they can do it and get away with it, why should we be accused of wrongdoing?

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Boobs or bums?

The world is divided into two: boom men and leg men. Boob men are those who are turned on by boobs and leg men are those who go for long legs and delicious bums.

Now, according the Desmond Morris, large breasts have developed primarily as a form of mimicry: they mimic the buttocks as a sexual signal. Read the link for more details.

Anyway, this means that boob men and leg men might have a bit more in common than previously thought but with the leg men having a slight advantage in not falling for the evolutionary mimicry and going for the original attraction.

I myself find myself firmly a leg man, give me a plump round bum any day over massive sagging mammalaries. According to Morris, the heart shape that decorates all dreadful Valentine cards is really a bum shape. Now in these dark days in barbarous land I am not suggesting any discrimination whatsoever towards misguided boob men. They have every right to their tastes and even committed leg men like me can occasionally be moved to tears by jiggly jugs. Especially when seen on a jogger. Poetry in motion, nothing less. However, no silicon please, under any circumstances.

I vividly recall the moment I realised I was a leg man: It was at the Galle Face Hotel and there was this Negress and she walked out in front of us. I was with two other girls and another male friends and I could not take my eyes off her bum: it moved like a sailing ship at sea or perhaps it was like the breaking of a roller; words fail me and I just focused on that beautiful sight, I did not even turn to nudge my friend (as would usually be the case, to warn him of a good sight ahead), I could not care less about the women with me, I was just mesmerised by that beautiful sight.

All this came back to me the other day at the office when I went looking for someone to be confronted with a round bun in tight trousers (by the way the fashion for leggings and tight trousers does wonders for the average Sri Lankan girl who tends not to have a lot of meat on her) so tight in fact that I could see she was wearing a thong. I almost chocked and nearly fell down but managed to just recover and crawl back to my room to spend a good five minutes in doing deep breathing exercises until my heart rate returned to normal.

Keeping my eagle eyes open I noticed a few more objects that need to be kept under close observation...hmmm I'm rather glad I joined this place.

Now what brought all of this on? I can only blame Soixante Neuf for hopelessly corrupting me.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

The itch to bitch

Met up with a few women last week. There were three of them, two were colleagues from a place I worked in a long time ago, the other was a friend of theirs who I did not know.

The conversation started off with the Hikkaduwa beach festival and topless photos that were doing the rounds (will someone please send them to me? How come I've been left out of the fun, huh?) and then moved onto work.

Two of the girls had worked in the apparel trade and they were complaining of how difficult it was to work if there were too many women in senior management. Their company had seven women managers (and a cute guy as the boss, which made things worse) and the biggest problem was catfights.

I said that politics was always a part of office life although some places were probably worse than others. I didn't think there was a difference when it came to men and women; power and money coupled with insecurities would drive the politics.

But no, the ladies disagreed. The women were infinitely worse. Men would fight but they would not spend much time arguing, the battles would be silent power plays. With women it would be bitch, bitch, bitch. The grievances would be pretty petty as well, with shoes and clothes being causes for complaint, which would not be the case with men.

They related an incident where two women would bitch together, then they would go off and bitch about each other.

It was bit of an eye opener for me. I steer pretty clear of politics anyway. Does anyone else feel the same was as these girls?

Friday, August 22, 2008

New job

I started a new job a few weeks back and work has been hectic. It leaves me little time to check the gossip on Kottu and almost no time for any blogging.

I've also not read a daily newspaper since I started work and I seem to be much happier for it.

You see the gym has become a bit of a habit so I do need to visit at least thrice a week and since I'm an evening person when it comes to the gym I need to get off work in time. Luckily the office has flexi-hours so I generally aim to get in by 7.30 or so in the morning so I can legitimately push off at about 5 in the evening. The problem is that the early start in the morning:

1. Prevents me from doing any reading before work.
2. Mean I have to go to bed early (by around 10 or 11 at the latest) otherwise I can't get up in the morning.

Which means I have only the evenings free. On the gym days its about 8.30 by the time that I'm free which means that it is only two days of the week where I have a full evening free, which is cutting into my reading time.

The problem is I do need to read and sometimes to think and reflect, so the limited time needs to be allocated profitably so out go the newspapers and quality material substituted.

As I said I'm happier not knowing the news. I went to pick someone up yesterday and glanced through the papers that were there while waiting and I found them positively amusing. Things have got so ridiculous here that when viewed with the benefit of distance they become hilarious and this I think is the key to survival in any bananaland.

Sticking ones head firmly in the stand is the best way and I guess thats what a lot of people do unconsciously, trapped as they are in the regular rat race.

Friday, August 15, 2008

Who succeeds The Chief?

Not much is certain in life other than Death and Taxes but in the barbarous lands south of India one more certainty exists: the Chief will rule until 2017. He may well stay on a bit longer if he feels like it, but eventually either time or fate will intervene and he will go.

The question is who succeeds him?

The man who has the ambition and scheming mind necessary to succeed, and who, on account of seniority and fairness should succeed him is brother Basil. After all, it is he who is suspected of sowing the seeds of suspicion that have destroyed all rivals and it is thought to be he who has the big plans for the ruling family. Age also plays a factor and he cannot afford to wait too long to succeed to the Lion Throne.

Son Namal, who counts the hereditary principle of succession on his side may have other ideas. He is also said to hate his uncle and may well fight him for the position, especially if he feels that once ensconced, he may well work a path of succession for his own offspring. The wife of the Chief would doubtless support her son over her brother-in-law in this venture.

Brother Chamal is too old and is unlikely to throw his hat into the ring, but Brother Gota, with the army on his side may be a contender but his political ambitions are a mystery.

Such are the intrigues that beset the courts of ancient times and have now returned to haunt the land.

Does any observer of the proceedings have a view on this?

Saturday, August 02, 2008

An ordinary man or if you ever let a woman in your life

The SAARC has started and the city has stopped. The denizens who find themselves trapped in these barbarous lands need to find some entertainment and apart from books, Youtube provides some useful distraction.

A misandric post reminded men of this song. Those who have forgotten (or perhaps never heard) it van listen to it here.

It is extremely funny.

ps. This is not in anyway related to the previous post and I'm still battling with that infernal canine.....