Monday, January 24, 2011

Declining standards

Once upon a time the Daily Mirror was a good newspaper. It was well written and had a lot of worthwhile content. Over the last few years it has been in steady decline, something that has hastened since it revamped its appearance with multicoloured columns and headlines. Next, the society pages started to grow and it now tends to resemble the Hi!! magazine more than anything else, as this headline confirms.

"Patrol Duty Reduced"

It has been corrected now.

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

The proposed ban on miniskirts

Sri Lanka is now contemplating a ban on miniskirts. The ban was proposed supposedly following complaints about women wearing skimpy clothing.

I naturally assumed that Sri Lanka, the first nation to defeat terrorism, was now proposing to be the first non-Islamic, non-communist, country to impose sartorial regulation on its people- but no; Uganda, Chile and surprisingly enough, a small town in Naples have beaten us in this race. Not all were successful in implementing the ban but they were all ahead of the race in proposing the ban.

Nevertheless, we can be confident that our ban will be the best of all and to this end I have a few suggestions to the authorities. For a start, what exactly should be the prescribed length of a skirt ? Given that women come in all shapes and sizes it is not possible to specify a fixed length, nor is it practical (however desirable) to subject every skirt to inspection. Therefore we need to have regulations that are flexible. We need to take a leaf from the book of one who has perfected the art of sartorial regulation and where better to start than a convent?

St Bridget's convent Colombo, specifies precisely the dress of its pupils:

* White uniform;
Pocket with the SBC monogram (available at the School Bookshop)
* Length : up to the back bend of the knee
* Pleats : 4 box pleats all of equal size
* Darts : 2 side darts only
* Waist : 3 inches lower than the usual waist
* Belt : Loosely with 6 loops. Belt must be sewn at the 2sides
* House Badge - to be worn daily (available at the School Bookshop)
* School Tie - to be worn for school functions only(available at the School Bookshop)

The length is specified as being an in lower than the back bend of the knee, a description that can be applied easily and readily to any woman, thus fulfilling the basic requirement of clarity and universality that must be met by all laws. The nuns further specify the position of the waist and the number of pleats, all carefully designed to give the girls a suitably frumpy look and ideas that the relevant ministry can also incorporate into the proposed dress code. After all, women my try to subvert the regulation by wearing exceptionally tight skirts with (horror of horrors) long slits that may send paragons of virtue to a state of cardiac arrest. An example of such an insidious design is attached, purely that the authorities can beware of the risk (and take a strong shot of arrack after reading the post).

Lets hope the authorities implement the uniform with no further delay, we will be the first in the world and dream come true for those who entertain fantasies involving school uniforms.