Wednesday, October 14, 2009

9 financial signs of a cheating spouse

Saw an interesting looking article on the above topic here.

I don't think many of these are applicable to SL; for example "Income tax returns that reveal unexplained or previously unknown travel-related deductions" does not apply because there are no travel related deductions (and hardly any other deductions) that are allowed.

Credit cards are the main thing to watch for here. I was told by a bank employee that they have had several instances of trouble when verifying overseas usage on cards-the bank calls the contact number (which, unless the person has roaming, is a home number) to verify a transaction and it turns out that the spouse of the cardholder is not aware of the trip.

Credit card statements also leave a trail, as do phone bills and info on both is much sought after by jealous lovers trying to nail down an infidelity.

On maintaining a separate bank account- this I find surprising, I would expect most people to continue with their own individual bank accounts even after marriage, in addition to having a joint account. I know someone who closed everything and put all her money in a joint account and lost a packet when her husband left. Sharing is the key in marriage, but don't the individuals continue with at least a part of their former lives and their bank accounts? What is the usual practice with managing money post-marriage for couples here?


Anonymous said...

Thank God i am NOT your spouse. God bless that poor soul !

Anonymous said...

Anon@ 19:36
There is nothing wrong with having a dream about a ideal marriage; getting ready for the bitter & hard reality is another.

Anon 2

Delilah said...

i knew a lady who used to pretend her employer didnt pay a bonus and then tuck it away as a nest egg for herself. i think her husband was a little tight fisted so she kept her bonus as a buffer. i doubt that she was squandering it on a lover though. she insisted that plenty of women do the same. we all felt quite sorry for her in a way. yes, it was dishonest at some level but also justified to an extent.

rasti said...

I am surprised that bank employees in Sri Lanka would give out private customer information without verifying whether or not they've got the customer on the line?

Sure they've put their home number down as the point of contact, but it seems like bad practice to even leave a voicemail with transaction details. I personally know that here in Canada they're very strict.

Jack Point said...

Rasti, the bank people call to check if the cardholder is at home and say they have a transaction to verify in Singapore or whereever, nothing more.

The spouse has been told that the business trip was to somewhere else (India, the UK or sometimes even within SL) which is what lets the cat out of the bag.

Jack Point said...

Delilah, I don't think its dishonest to do what your contact did. Pool what is needed, but keep something for personal use, for little luxuries, hobbies etc.

rasti said...

But see, that seems like a breech right there. They should simply request to speak to the cardholder if the cardholder's not available then here's a number to reach the bank back at. Let whoever's on the other end know it's absolutely important for the person to get back to them.

I work for a bank so I'm slightly biased ;)

Anonymous said...

A woman should always have her own money even after 50 years of marriage.

98% of married women have their own money that the husbands do not have a clue about. The 2% who don't are idiots. So you can safely assume that your wife has some hidden money :)

It is not about dishonesty or about husband being a meanie or about having a hot lover, it is more about emergencies and the attitude towards saving. Simple economics.

Men save in $100 or more but women are good a drip feeding(small deposits) an account better than men.

Three common rules apply
a) You never withdraw money from that account unless it is a matter of life and death.
[No, it is not for personal use, for little luxuries, hobbies etc]

b) You have informed the bank that your husband will be the owner of the account if you are dead.

c) The husband has means of getting access to the account but he does not know that he has it. Usually a ATM card/note taped to place where HE will ONLY look , if you dropped off the face of the earth. e.g. wedding album or old love letters he he he.

Mother of a friend of mine passed away recently aged 85. She had
US$ 30,000 in her bank account that her husband had no clue about at all.

When they checked the transaction history they realized that many of the deposits have been as small as $5 and $10. She was a stay at home mom who did not work one day in her life. So all her savings came from the grocery money.Imagine the girl balls.

That was her gift to the kids.

So yes. Its one of those thing we girls do.

Cadence said...

Joint accounts after marriage are fine, but everyone should have their own bank account for personal use and like u mentioned for hobbies etc.

Imagine planning a surprise for ur husband/wife and having to pay for it with the money in ur joint acc!? Explain that and see if you can get away with it! :)

Graeme said...

I have joint accounts.

The reasons for having separate accounts seem spurious.

1) In a divorce the judge should go through all the couple's assets and divide them fairly. If that does not happen it is a fault in the judicial system (and I do think Sri Lanka's system is badly flawed with regard to divorce).

2) Women are not necessarily better at saving than men. It depends on the individuals concerned. I now many men whoa re more prudent financial than their wives. A secret bank account may be excusable if you are married to spendthrift, but if is far better to solve the real problem instead.
3) A surprise can be paid for with cash, and it will only appear on the next bank or credit card statement.

It seems that people are assuming that they will divorce, are deceitful, and are distrustful

Graeme said...

"So yes. Its one of those thing we girls do."

I am glad I am not married to you! No wonder many men are so distrustful of women if as many as you claim are liars.

Anonymous said...

@ Anon -11:00
Hmmmm. So there is method to this madness of seperate accounts. Judging by what you tell me, I am sure that mine has been "drip feeding" :)

@Graeme - where did you pick up the lying bit from ? Where does it say that it is necessary to lie ?
You have used the 3 Ds, "divorce, deceitful, and distrustful" when women have used emergency and gift.

Why do we always speak a diffrent language than them ?

Gadgetgirl said...

I think a woman has all the right to have money in her account just as the man has.

Jack Point said...

Thanks for the input Graeme, I think you've pinned down some good reasons for not having separate accounts.

I myself find this a hard concept to accept, perhaps because trust issues?

Graeme said...

@Anon. No different language. Saying "I spent $100 on groceries" is a lie if what you actually did was spend $90 on groceries and put $10 in a secret account.

Having a secret account is deceitful anyway.

Both of those are what the previous anonymous commentator said.

@Gadgetgirl: I agree with you entirely. I do not think men should have secret accounts either.

Graeme said...

Follow the links from the articles linked to in the post, and you will see articles about the links between "financial infidelity" and sexual infidelity.

Not surprising: if you can lie to someone about one thing, you can lie about another.

Michael Kleder said...

I thought the same way Cadence did, Joint accounts are fine after marriage, everyone should have their own bank account for personal use, It's all about trust and loyalty.