A note to my 16 year old self

Was Tagged by Delilah, on the letter to my 16, year self, an era of my life that I recall with a shudder. Anyway here goes:


Boy, you don't know what you are in for.

Your lazy, indolent existence at the bottom of the class is about to end, for you are due a visit from your uber cool cousin from the Americas who is going to come across your report card, note the scores that resemble the Sri Lankan cricket team's unfortunate encounter with the West Indian's in the World cup (all out for 80, with only a couple of players getting into double figures) and shame you into attempting to study.

Leave off from trying to talk big about government finances until you learn a little bit about them. Not only will it earn you an unfortunate nickname, you will end up doing so much of it that you will heartily wish you had ended up in different field of study.

Shaving would be a good idea. Che Guevara beards are best left to real revolutionaries. It will improve your chances with the girls considerably and save you from having to explain the Vijaya Kumaranatunga look at checkpoints and hiding all those embarrassing family albums. The decrepit T shirts and shapeless pants had better go too, grunge is not in and its not you anyway.

Isaac Asimov is not one of the Masters of the Universe, although his attitude to knowledge is well worth emulating. There will be no finer work of fiction than The Stainless Steel Rat Saves The World (at least until the arrival of Terry Pratchett) so while you still have the time to read, explore history and the arts more extensively.

While you are about it, born rebel that you are, please attempt to prevent your upright and law abiding family from turning in your grandfather's guns to the police, as required by law, on his death. A Westley Richards is not a mere piece of sporting equipment, it is a bespoke work of art, one of a handful in the country and its disappearance is a heinous crime; exceeded only by the 'remodelling' of the wonderful dutch house that contained it. Even the four genarations bandicoots that the ceiling contained wept at that atrocity. You also need to invent a trap to catch wild boar, if that superlative curry is to be enjoyed again and attempting procure it from shady joints in Nuwara Eliya is not a good idea.

You will come to regret your lack of attention to your music classes, the gaps in your knowledge will come back to haunt you, when you eventually come to appreciate the the bloody thing. Living by your wits when you perform is more dangerous than you know.

Do not set great store by the professions and their hollow claims to knowledge. They are only means of earning a living and will not teach you to think. A Level logic will teach you more and you would have learned a great deal more if you had gone into in more depth.

Women will continue to mystify, but then don't worry, they seem to have acquired that trait before the Peloponnesian wars and have baffled mankind since.

Well thats about it, Let me tag Dee Cee and Scrumpy.